I am so proud of the man I married.
This weekend my husband had the opportunity to compete in the Mesquite Championship Rodeo in Texas. He is apart of an organization called Warriors and Rodeo (WAR) and the association honored him and a few other men who have served our country with their military service. The hotel was paid for, and we were given the special treatment as guests at the event. I even got to sit in a suite while I watched my hubby ride. (cool stuff)
This weekend was an intimate time with my husband… and I loved ever bit of time with him BUT we had some trouble on the ride to Texas. By trouble I mean we had a fight, and unlike what we have had before. Let me explain.
On our ride to Texas, my husband let me know his heart for rodeo. He desired to start competing more, maybe two or three times a month. For some reason this really concerned me. In my mind I thought about everything we had going on. Right now he is serving in the reserves, working, we are trying to plan a wedding, and we are still trying to move my things out of my apartment. So in other words, I did not take what he was saying as something to celebrate. I took it as another thing that would pile on top of us and most especially this would take away my time with him.
Did I communicate that? No. I tried to give him “Godly wisdom” and tell him to consider the timing of everything… I wanted him to think about everything he was currently trying to juggle. I wanted him to maybe consider putting it off while we figured everything else out. It seemed pretty reasonable to me. Doesn’t it to you? What would be the problem?
Well, he didn’t take my “Godly wisdom”. The conversation took an unexpected turn. It became misunderstanding. My husband thought I was asking him to quit what he loved and he became concerned he would have to give a part of what he loved up. I thought he was being selfish, and was choosing other stuff over me. I was convinced he didn’t care what I thought and couldn’t see how I was trying to help him.
You know, before this happened I was being attacked in my mind all day by no other than Satan himself. The whole day had been a battle for MY mind, and am sad to say that in this vulnerable moment with my husband, I caved. I caved into FEAR in an ugly way toward my husband and all those ugly lies the devil would whisper to me about who I was or what was going to happen.
In that moment I became a wife fearful of what her husband would do and how her future would shift and change. I lacked trust in God and trust in my husband. How many women can understand what I felt in that moment?
BUT God was and is with us. And we ended up sharing amazing emotional intimacy and grace toward one another.
My husband amazes me in his intuition. He knew I was afraid. He knew life was changing for me and he knew I didn’t know what it would mean to be a wife of a cowboy. Instead of treating me the same way I was treating him, he simple asked me what I was afraid of.
Eventually… I spilled it (in a healthier way). I was afraid I would get pushed to the side. I was afraid the things that were important to me or what I needed (his time and one on one time) would take the back seat.
We both spoke against the lies the enemy was feeding our hearts. We simply talked to each other, apologized and forgave. God softened our hearts and opened our ears.
So now I began to HEAR my husbands heart as we continued to talk, and in that moment I made the choice to commit to what makes my husband happy. If that means going out to rodeos twice a month then we can do it. I would make that happen for him without making him feel bad for it. I have a feeling I will NEVER regret that decision.
This ride to Texas was a beautiful, loving moment of healing and true intimacy that we have never experienced in our relationship.
I realized that my fear should have no place in my marriage. The bible talks to women specifically about the women of old who trusted God and wasn’t afraid of what their husbands would do. They followed God and trusted them with their husbands, marriages, and themselves.
“This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her lord. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.” 1 Peter 3:5-6
This verse can easily scare a lot of women. I am/was one of them.
I know that my husband would have given up rodeo up for me, but what would that have done for our marriage or for me as a Christ follower? Lets be real here. I would be giving fear a foothold and I would be enacting control over Clifford because of my fear. Well guess what? Bible talks about that too, and I am not going to act like Eve did.
1 Peter 3:5-6 tells me the key as a wife who follows her husband. TRUST IN GOD. I have God to rely and lean on. I can trust that he is good and what he says in His Word is good. With God I can accept the authority that he has given Clifford as my husband.
Doing what is right without fear of what my husband will do is SO HARD as a women. ( I think all women would understand..) It feels like I have no control, but that is not true. I have control over my attitude. I have control over the way I treat my husband. I have control over how much I cling to God in those moments I am afraid of what the future might hold or where God will lead Clifford.
That is a precious gift. I can trust God.
God has given me a powerful influence as wife in my marriage. I do not want to take that lightly.