I read a post that upset me last night. The reason this particular post upset me was because it was based on a mans point of view that a woman’s role as a wife is to be a housewife and can only work in the home because that what it means to live biblically. For some reason, this struck a cord to me. I felt reduced. “Lord is that all my life is suppose to be when I become a wife? A woman confined to her home?” I was struggling with anger and I could tell I was defensive and hardened by what I read. I don’t particularly want to be a housewife to be honest. So therefore, I felt condemned by this mans post regardless if he meant it that way (which I doubt he did, honestly). I then responded to his post in a not so gracious way, telling him that if he finds a woman who absolutely loves the Lord but does not agree with him, I hope he wouldn’t manipulate her to fit his desire for a housewife by using Gods word. I also told him that he probably thought my post (more like a rebuke) held no weight because I have seen men like him fall into intellectual pride. (Ouch) I am paraphrasing of course.
So, my time with the Lord was a struggle, but I heard him tenderly tell me “Hannah don’t be angry with me. Don’t harden your heart toward me.” It was in my softening that God spoke to me.
One day, I was surprised at work with a tremendously beautiful bouquet of summer flowers rearranged in a big beautiful glass vase with an orange bow tied around the middle. It held a card from a friend who wanted to encourage me because this is when I just recently got out of a bad relationship. When God reminded me of that, he reminded me that those flowers were from him. God put in on my friends heart to surprise me, showing me he loves me, and that I am valued and I deserve to be loved in this way. This held so much weight because I have always desired to be surprised with flowers at work. My previous relationship to my ex-boyfriend shrunk me down to an woman who thought she was asking to much, and also, felt like she wasn’t valued enough to make time for.
I admit that I should not have responded as strongly as I did to this mans post because I know that my response was the result from wounds I received by being in a relationship to a man who knew Gods Word well and was very intellectual.
However, even though my night started this way, it ended with me worshiping God and him softening my heart. God revealed to me something about his heart for me as a woman. His love is not demanding and not manipulative. He is understanding. God has always been gentle and kind to me. His love is patient and kind, never jealous or boastful. I am free to be who I am in his love. Free to be my goofy, bubbly self. Free to dance and laugh and be playful. I find rest when I am in this place of freedom with him. It is a beautiful gift.