Today is Friday. I am in bed at almost ten in the morning, waking up from frustrating dreams and wondering about God and his plan for me. Rereading my blog posts, I have been here before. Now at twenty-four years old, I am at that place again. I am at a place in my life where so many transitions are occurring it feels like I am forced into walking into the great unknown. I was just recently in a relationship with a man whom I came to love. We had dreams of getting married and believed that was God’s direction in our lives. However, there were a lot of things that didn’t line up for me and eventually God gave me the courage to break up with this person. It needed to happen, but it was hard. I am on that journey to recovery from disappointed hopes. Also, I just recently graduated from the University of New Mexico. Now I have the ability to get a job. Thats intimidating. Even though I totally trust God, I am still nervous of his plans for me even though I know that the events that happened with my ex- and the fact I graduated is a blessing from God.
This is my journey with God right now. For almost two years my life was centered around trying to make a man happy and a relationship work. It was draining me. In the end, I know that the Lord is with me. I am not alone. I reread the blog post I wrote about hope, and its true. (If you haven’t read it, check it out!) I have to choose daily to trust in God or believe the lies of the enemy. I have felt alone before, felt like I don’t have direction but that is not true. I do have direction and a purpose. God made a way for me to open up my future- open up new possibilities for him to work in my life.
I am on a new adventure with God, trying to decide what I am really living for. There is a book called ” What are you living for? ” by Pat Williams that I have been reading. He said that there are four wrong reasons for living that humans pursue- fame, money, power, pleasure- and there are four good reasons to live and to pursue-good character, influence, parenthood, and faith. This book has inspired to me to look at my own life-how I seek self worth or value in life by fame, money, power, or pleasure. I realize that these things are truly meaningless.
Right now I am on a journey on discovering why I am truly living and what I am truly living for. What are the things that are going to last or matter in this life that transcends my own desires?
Ill wait till the next blog to explain…
Hannah; July 8,2016