I realize that I have a lot to be thankful for. Right now, I am sitting with my grandma and my mom watching heaven is for real. Its a story about a boy who had an encounter with heaven and Jesus. Im listening to my grandma hum a hymn with the movie.
I come from a broken past and in a sense a broken family. If I were to lay it down flat, I am the daughter of a man who used drugs, had a porn addiction, and abandoned my family when I was born.That was my broken beginning.
Through the years I didn’t realize my scars. I didn’t realize how broken and beaten a person I was and how I really needed Jesus. I grew up in the Christian faith, but I was far from what Jesus wanted to reveal to me.
I had no sense of value and worth, and since I didn’t have a Father I looked for young boys to fulfill what only Jesus could do. This didn’t mean physical, it was more an emotional need. I wanted an emotional need met and wanted the young boys I had chosen to fulfill those emotional needs. I know this was a wrong thing to demand from them.
Through a lot of valley’s God has worked out a lot of the lies the enemy had put into my mind; a lot of it had to do with my value and worth. It would come in waves of loneliness, lust, or striving to be someone lovable by perfecting my looks.
Through a thick complicated heart, God stayed faithful and began revealing himself to me tangibly. I saw him provide for me financially and restore broken relationships in my family. As I began being vulnerable to God in my quite time with him he began speaking specifically to my heart though prophecy that matched with what I had prayed to him about, and through my faith he poured his love for me. As he poured his love into me, he began healing me.
Now, this didn’t mean that I didn’t have struggles during this time. I was still struggling with all of the above list that I mentioned.
God is showing me everyday his Grace for all of humanity. I am far from perfect and I am still learning more about who Jesus is, but one thing I do know is that he is kind and loving. I was taught this my whole life because I grew up in a christian home, but my own life experiences I have had is a testimony of his kindness and his goodness.