October 9, 2013
Is there secret sin in your life? Today, I wanted to talk about this because its hard to talk about it, and no one seems to want to talk about it. It’s not an easy topic, it leaves you vulnerable for people to judge you. So thats why I am going to bravely tell you my story, because I believe in the word that when you bring something from darkness to light, it will become light. I won’t go into huge detail, but I’ll share the basics. This is one of my biggest struggles:
I can’t remember when it started exactly. I am pretty sure I was eleven or twelve years old. I remember watching a certain movie, and seeing a scene with two people in a Bed. I didn’t understand it then, but then I started to reenact it with my Barbies. I had this scenario where the girl wife Barbie would have an affair with a man Barbie that wasn’t here husband. What I remember from that point in my life, is getting tangled in things that I wasn’t suppose to get tangled into, especially as I got a little bit older.
It was lust pure and simple. It latched onto me like a leech and seduced me into pictures I wasn’t suppose to see, talking about things with people I shouldn’t have been talking about, and doing things I shouldn’t have been doing. It was a hard journey in my life in my teen years. This is not something that I want to admit, but I want to be free of it and not ashamed because Jesus’s grace is what cleanses me.
I want to tell you that yes, I have received healing and deliverance. God has healed me and forgave me. Period. Jesus payed the price for all of it for my sin done in the past, present, and the future. I am grateful that I am healed in my heart for doing those things , but temptation to sell myself short is still lurks on me in the night. Lust will try to consume me and I know that wont ever stop. Temptation will not stop. I will always battle this throughout my life.
There are people reading this blog that have a certain picture of how they see me. Some people I know really do look up to me, and the Devil will try to make me feel like a failed them. That what they see in me is not me because they don’t know about the “unforgivable sin” I have done in my life.You know what Devil, YOU ARE A LIAR! I am not my sin.
YOU ARE NOT YOUR SIN. I AM NOT MY SIN.
I admit that I am tempted with lust, and there are times I give in. I will not give myself an excuse of why I am justified for my sin Ive done in the past or even now. I just know I am not the only one who struggles and I am not who my struggles say I am.
Let me say that again:
1. I am not the only one who struggles with sin. Everyone does.
2. I am not who my struggles say I am. You are not who your struggles say you are.
I want to be set completely free just like I want to see you set free. I believe in my heart that Jesus see’s the bigger picture, we only see a wall. We see our failures, Jesus’s see’s the redemption. We condemn ourselves for the choice we made, Jesus saves and uplifts us DESPITE those choices.
THAT IS HIS HEART TOWARDS ALL HUMANITY.
That is his heart for me.
His heart for you.
I have decided to write this to you, not just for the reader, but for myself. I sell myself short all the time for stupid reasons. When I fail, its hard to go back to Jesus and believe he still loves me. I need to hear and proclaim these words to myself just as much as someone walking down the alley, or your closest friend at school.
Right now, I am loving myself for being honest about what I have gone through. It doesn’t put me on a pedestal of perfection in Christ. It makes me more reliant on him because of my own personal battles, and makes me sensitive to others, about their own personal battle. Thank you Jesus for that!
with Jesus, there is hope and redemption. Redemption, releasing a freedom to be who we really are. Jesus will give us all the strength to overcome our weakest points and there is no shame when he is around. Jesus has overcome the world.
You are the white rose, no longer stained red, and Jesus loves you so much.
– Hannah M.